I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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