I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
