honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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