i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if only i could text you this smell
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize