I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
