and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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