The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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