He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize