you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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