She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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