When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
