I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
