Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize