belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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