i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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