why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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