You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
