i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
