I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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