he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
