I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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