Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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