your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
