so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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