You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize