make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
