i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
