Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
