i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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