I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
