Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
