My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
