I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
