No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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