Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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