Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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