you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
