Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
