my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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