I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
