I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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