Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
