Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
