I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
