i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
