a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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