on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
