he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
