She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
