Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
