i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
