I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize