u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
