I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Randomize
