Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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