gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Randomize
