Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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