Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
