insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
