I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
