I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
why is half of my head shaved?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
