i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
