Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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