And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
