BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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