Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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