Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
