So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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