I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
